another dream just got broken

so.
hows fatty feeling?
not quiet sure.
pathedic, useless, unwanted, numb.
& an idiot
everyones telling me i should be happy, that im better off this way
& i think part of me knows that
but thats the logical fatty speaking
that part is never listened to
the reckless and idiotic fatty is the one thats generally listened to
whats best for me hasnt really ever been what i wanted
sigh.
i just feel like i cant do anything right
that no matter how hard i try, i still fail
theres only so much failure you can brush off before you start to break down
theres only so much bullshiet you can deal with before you start to break down
the two mixed together?
equals epic breakdown
which im pretty sure im headed to
fk im sick of everything
im turning into who i used to be
i refuse to be an emo kid again
the frindge was cool back in the day, but that image is long gone
im now a more colourful person, one whos accused frequently of being on drugs becoz of how often i smile and laugh
but i havent been like that in a while
& by the looks of it i wont be for a while

there is a time when you fade to the blackness

why cant things just get better, and stay that way
instead of one thing getting better and the others getting worse
i dont even know what i feel anymore
theres too much at once
i feel angry, worried, guilty, self concious, paranoid, jelous, upset, confused and a bunch of other emotions all mixed into one
it just all makes me dizzy
im so moody & i keep snapping at people
i feel bad but i cant help it
certain people keep me feeling calm for the hole time im with them, like jazz
but i cant be with them all day everyday
it feels like the minute i leave them my self control goes and jumps outta the window head first
i just want all the drama to stop
& to top it all off
im catching a cold