another dream just got broken

so.
hows fatty feeling?
not quiet sure.
pathedic, useless, unwanted, numb.
& an idiot
everyones telling me i should be happy, that im better off this way
& i think part of me knows that
but thats the logical fatty speaking
that part is never listened to
the reckless and idiotic fatty is the one thats generally listened to
whats best for me hasnt really ever been what i wanted
sigh.
i just feel like i cant do anything right
that no matter how hard i try, i still fail
theres only so much failure you can brush off before you start to break down
theres only so much bullshiet you can deal with before you start to break down
the two mixed together?
equals epic breakdown
which im pretty sure im headed to
fk im sick of everything
im turning into who i used to be
i refuse to be an emo kid again
the frindge was cool back in the day, but that image is long gone
im now a more colourful person, one whos accused frequently of being on drugs becoz of how often i smile and laugh
but i havent been like that in a while
& by the looks of it i wont be for a while

there is a time when you fade to the blackness

why cant things just get better, and stay that way
instead of one thing getting better and the others getting worse
i dont even know what i feel anymore
theres too much at once
i feel angry, worried, guilty, self concious, paranoid, jelous, upset, confused and a bunch of other emotions all mixed into one
it just all makes me dizzy
im so moody & i keep snapping at people
i feel bad but i cant help it
certain people keep me feeling calm for the hole time im with them, like jazz
but i cant be with them all day everyday
it feels like the minute i leave them my self control goes and jumps outta the window head first
i just want all the drama to stop
& to top it all off
im catching a cold

cupid shot me in the eye, so they say that love is blind

so, life atm ?
not too sure
some things good, others not so much
everything keeps changing
drama keeps appearing
im feeling guilty about a few things
i have a feeling things are gonna turn out bad pretty soon
trying to catch up with as many friends as possible
i feel as if im drifting away from some people, so im trying to change that
trying to pass highschool
but i guess besides all of that, all in all im pretty happy atm
like-lifes going pretty good :)
lifes kinda hektik rite now
just want the holidays to come already so i can escape all the fkn school work
speaking of which, i have to finish my maths assignment
toodles ♥

youre like a drug & now my blood wont stop itching

so i havent been on this in a while.
& really i only am to avoid reading my english book.

48 shades of brown is possibly the most boring and pointless book, ever.
its like a diary for the most boring teenager in history, all he does is go to school, do his maths homework, learn names of birds, organise his socks and drink beer & watch tv with his aunt & her roomate.
woah, easy now wild child !

also am waiting for johbe to get home so he can send me the data from our biology excursion so i can do my draft.
that was an eventful excursion, we thort the mangroves were muddy and slippery. but holey shiet, mr. sea grass. each step i took i sunk like 845764876meters. it wouldve been wise to actually tie my shoe laces up so i didnt lose my shoes, but that would involve having brain cells i obviously lack. so with every sinking step, i had to dig in the mud & get my shoes back. i also lost a sock & fell on my ass. classy, classy.

so im back at runcorn, holey shiet. soo much better than calamvale. schools actually not too bad now, sometimes. minus some of the classes. i miss some people from calamvale tho, people i dont get to see very often. i get to see sarah alot, but i reaaally miss ben. and shane & luke. and i have to see josh soon, see how his carpenting is going, & how much life is better without school. grade 11s a bitch. & i wish i was in grade 12. a) because i want to graduate already, b) because like my hole group is in grade 12. and the only other grade 11'er is moving to macg next year >.<

i still want to start playing soccer. expecially after going to drews & shannons game last nite. was dissapointed when drew nearly got into a fight, then didnt. im pretty sure me and woodsy were the only ones wanting the fite hahaha. good ol' woodsy was starting the other guy & encouraging drew ahaha. but their team won, so yahoo.

ive developed a bow fetish. my ballet shoes have bows, i have a mediumish sized reddy pink bow & an oversized black one. ive also seen bow earings, necklaces & bracelets that i must have >:D

so i think ive procrastinated long enough. goodbye social life, hello 48 shades of brown. you know, suicides looking awfully inviting atm -__-'